Today, something my dad wrote to me in an e-mail reminded me of the end of Adrian Plass’ poem “Creed”.

...and yet I know that long ago

you made a fairy tale for me

About the day when you would take your sword
and battle through the thicket of the things I have become.

Your kiss to life…my Sleeping Beauty
waiting for her Prince to come.

Then I will wake
and look into your eyes
and understand.
And for the first time
I will not be dumb
and I shall
say my creed
in words.

We teach our kids hymns. Well, sort of. We listen to them and sing them and the kids pick up on them. Our 5 year old and 4 year old boys know all four verses of Holy, Holy, Holy (I guess it helps that I recorded it), all of Immortal Invisible (recorded that one too) and their latest favorite… O For A Thousand Tongues (didn’t record that one!). My former literary agent gave me a copy of the book Hymns for a Kid’s Heart which was written by his sister-in-law along with Joni Eareckson Tada. I grew up listening to the 1981 LP “Joni’s Song” and reading her self-titled autobiography, so I was excited to get this. Anyways, we listen to the book’s accompanying CD in the car sometimes. The other day it struck me while I was driving, that Joni, a quadriplegic, sings a solo on the verse that goes:

Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,
Your loosened tongues employ;
Ye blind, behold your Savior come,
And leap, ye lame, for joy.

I started to cry when I pictured her singing those words.

Now, when we’re driving around, Willy is always asking for “Over A Hundred Thousand Tongues” and gets really upset when I sing along.

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For some reason, whenever I go to the beach I read Buechner. I don’t know why. First it was The Alphabet of Grace, then The Sacred Journey and recently I finished Now and Then while sitting on the beach in Puerto Vallarta. I came upon a page that resonated with me. His thoughts and experiences in preaching seemed to mirror my own thoughts and experiences in leading worship through music.

The annoying parenthetical inserts are mine.

“If you are any good at all with words—if you are any good at all as an actor, with an actor’s power to move people, to fascinate people, to move them sometimes even to tears—you have to be so careful not to make it just a performance, however powerful. You have to remember that it is not what you are saying [and/or singing] that it is important for them to believe in, but only God. You have to remember how Jesus consigned to the depths of the sea those who cause any who believe in him to sin and how one sin you might easily cause them is to believe in yourself instead…

Though I never dared step into the pulpit without everything, including the Lord’s Prayer and the announcements, fully written out in front of me, I learned to be free enough of my manuscript to be able to read it without appearing to do so. I put on the best performance I could, in other words, and preached with all the eloquence I could muster, not only to them, of course, but also to myself because much of what preachers [worship leaders] say they say always to themselves, to keep their own spirits up, to answer their own souls’ questions…

There were times when I flet that something better and truer than my words was speaking through my words. There were times when I felt they were only words. There were times when the words seemed to fall dead from my lips and other times when I could see only too clearly how effective they were being. And maybe I entirely misjudged which time was which. I don’t know. I know only that Barth is surely right when he says that no one risks the wrath of God more perilously than the minister in the pulpit [worship leader?], and yet at the same time I know that, as a minister [worship leader], there are few places I would rather be. The excitement and challenge of it. The chance that something better than what you are can happen, that something m ore than you know can be spoken and heard.”

I have this friend. For the sake of privacy, I’ll call her Katie Cool, because she is indeed cool. She said something to me several weeks ago that stopped me in my tracks, and I’ve been ruminating on it ever since. We were at a toddler pool with our kids and then decided to head over to Chick-fil-A for lunch. She asked me if we could drive together in her van. I realized she’d have to go out of her way just to bring me back to my car afterwards, seeing as it was not on her way home. I said, “Nah, let’s just take our own vehicles, it’ll be easier”. And then she said it.

About half way through my Deluxe Chicken Sandwich she so sneakily treated me to, (the old “Can-you-watch-our-table-while-I-order?” trick) I asked her about it. “You know, back at the pool, what you said.,.. did you just make that up, or is that an expression I just haven’t heard before?” “Yeah, I made it up, I guess. You know, it’s kind of like ‘love is not efficient’. You know that one?” I didn’t.

I am the product of our Instant Society where pragmatism runs rampant and efficiency is revered. When I was younger, I remember being told to be more practical. I got better at it, and now I even pride myself on it. Yikes!! Efficiency was lauded in our home, partly because we are a big family, my parents come from big families and it was necessary at times. I can see how these are good values in running a business or even a household, but they become dangerous when they start to creep into my personal life. I am starting to realize that these things are harmful to my faith, my worship and my relationship to others. My faith should be “a long obedience in the same direction” (thanks, Eugene). My worship should be “a royal ‘waste’ of time” (thanks, Marva). And my relationships should be anything but efficient (thanks, Katie!). It’s just not how real love works. Sometimes, love… and friendship mean backtracking just to spend a few more minutes together in the car.

“The biggest spiritual problem of our time is efficiency, work, pragmatism; by the time we keep the planet running there is little time and energy for anything else.”
Thomas Merton

By the way, “Love is not efficient” is a quote by Derek Webb in his compelling article called The Struggle to Love originally published by Relevant Magazine.

There was a catchy little tune on the radio a little while back called Something Beautiful. There’s a line in the song that I really like that goes, “when we laugh so hard we cry”. I started trying to remember when the last time that happened… and I couldn’t. And then I thought of when C.S. Lewis wrote to a friend, “It is a Christian duty, as you know, for everyone to be as happy as he can.” And then I thought of all the Christians I know that never laugh. There’s just no joy. I don’t want to be like that. So I prayed to God that very soon I would laugh so hard I would cry. And then it happened about a month later. I was with my mom. Of course!

read the subject line of an e-mail I recently received. I have known Amy for a while, but only from a distance, and mostly through her kids. I was even invited to the weddings of both her son and her daughter, but that was by default, because their family adores my husband and I think they really wanted HIM there. Then last week, we found ourselves together at a worship conference in California. On the third night, Amy and I bonded. We bonded over books by Annie Dillard and Anne Lamott.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!” C.S. Lewis

Thanks to everyone who came out to the concert on Sunday night. It was a lot of fun! I haven’t performed in a concert hall like that, well, in a while. The Cohan Center in San Luis Obispo is absolutely gorgeous, and the acoustics are nothing short of amazing! (Hats off to Frank, our sound man.) I had a great time singing with the GraceFull choir and orchestra. Conductor Glenn Pickett was a joy to work with, as always. Thankfully he is quick on his toes… like when he had to frantically whisper, “MEASURE 25, MEASURE 25!!” to the string players because I came in too early on verse 2 of Brother Up In Heaven. l.o.l. Glenn is so quick, he even wrote that brilliant orchestration of “50 States in Rhyme” a couple of days before our dress rehearsal! I must admit that I wasn’t looking forward to that piece, but he made it fun, so we went for it. I’m glad we did it, because it was the favorite for all the kids at the concert and my mother-in-law. (Could it be because she was at one time a school teacher???) It kind of reminded me of my college days when I was singing more theatrical stuff. As for the mellow stuff, the instrumentalists were great! I had two wonderful guitarists for Beyond Justice to Mercy. It’s just too bad we couldn’t bring them out front for that piece. And I think that was the first time I’ve ever performed As Long As I Have You with such a tight rhythm section!! Thank you Marc Guite! As for the Celine Dion rendition of “God Bless America” at the end… O.K. I’ll admit, I was a little terrified when they asked me to sing it, because I’m NOT Celine Dion. I can’t even come close to singing like her! But when it was all said (sung) and done… i think it went quite well “Kristina” style! I really enjoyed singing that arrangement and I hope I can do it again sometime. This was an awesome opportunity and I am so thankful that I could be a part of it!

Back in the fall of 2004, this e-zine contacted me and did a review to
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Pink, gauzy tutus and beaded tiaras have no place in our home with three boys. The whole princess thing is beyond me!
 
So when I was asked to speak at a women’s event on the theme “Daughters of the King” from Psalm 45:10-17, my imagination didn’t immediately swirl with airy images of us as God’s princesses, confidently crowned with inestimable worth and beauty.
 
This entry is a bit of what I shared with the women of Mesa Baptist Church. As I unpacked this little passage, I came to see that Psalm 45:10-17 is a love song. The writer gives advice to a bridegroom in the first half of the psalm, and here, in verses 10-17, to the bride. She is the daughter of one king and is going to be made the wife of another.
 
Here, as in other Scriptures, a human love story serves as a type for the larger Love Story – Christ the Bridegroom’s lavish love for us and our fitting response: our worship, our adoration, our very hearts.
 
Lean in and listen
 
Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear… (Psalm 45:10a)
 
What struck me first was the chorus of verbs: hear, consider, incline. Each becomes progressively stronger: hear, meaning, listen with attention; consider, meaning, to think of especially with regard to taking some action, and then incline, which means to physically bend the head, body or in this case the ear, forward. The anticipation builds. What could be so important?
 
Purposeful forgetfulness
 
Forget your people and your father’s house, and the king will desire your beauty (Psalm 47:10b-11a).
 
At first glance it looks like a conditional clause, but it doesn’t say, “If you forget your people, then the king will desire your beauty.” That would make it optional, wouldn’t it?  No, this is a command with a promise!  It says, do this and that will happen; forget your people and your father’s house, and the king will desire your beauty.
 
Sounds like he’s asking a lot, doesn’t it? But really, our earthly attachments and alliances don’t compare with what God our King offers. His attention and love is abundantly more lavish and satisfying than that which anyone or anything on earth could ever give. He is all things to us: our Father, protector, lover, our refuge and strength. He is our everything, and that’s what He demands from us: our everything. He asks for our whole heart, because there is no other way to have the relationship with Him that He so longs to have with us.
 
Bow down
 
Since he is your lord, bow to him (Psalm 45:11b).
 
This isn’t just any king. We are talking about the King of Kings!  He is infinitely awesome. And yet he’s also our Maker, who knows us so well that he is intimately approachable.  Isaiah 54:5 describes in more detail who this Lord really is: “For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth his is called.”
 
Think about it. We know that God is infinitely awesome. As Louis Giglio puts it, this God with whom we deal is no small fry. He’s not our size. Not even somewhat larger. He’s not made of the stuff we’re made of. He doesn’t have to deal with our barriers and limitations. “Before the mountains were born, or You gave birth to the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God”. Notice that the psalmist didn’t write, “from everlasting to everlasting You were God.”  But, You are God. What does it mean that God is infinite?  Simply that He is. Beyond that, our little brains are hard pressed for more. Try to define it. Infinite means having no limits. Never running out. Having no end. Existing forever. Unbound. Timeless. God has never been tired. Never slept. Never aged. Never upgraded. He’s self-sufficient. Self-contained. God doesn’t need anything. Or anybody.
 
If all of us happen to fall off the face of the earth, God will still be exactly who He is. If all of us abandon our worship of Him, He’ll remain the same. God’s greatness doesn’t depend on us. If not one single person on earth ever chose to respond to Him in love, believing in Him and worshiping Him, God would still be all that He already is, always has been, and always will be.
 
“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord?  Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him, and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen” (Romans 11:33-36).
 
Clothing fit for a princess
 
All glorious is the princess in her chamber, with robes interwoven with gold (Psalm 45:13).
 
Who is this princess?  I believe she is the same one mentioned in Revelation 19:7, 8: “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready.” She is the church… she is you and me.
 
Verse 8 continues, “it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure—for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.”  
 
The princess’ glory comes from righteousness and righteous deeds, not from Versace, Prada or a Vera Wang wedding gown. “All glorious in her chamber” means that she is beautiful within her soul. Her beauty is reflected in her virtuous and honorable actions and speech, in her character, in kindness, in her gentle and quiet spirit, in morality, the list goes on… such is a daughter of the King. It is a beauty that does not fade because it is the adorning of the heart. It is this kind of beauty, which in God’s sight, the Bible says, “is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3, 4).
           
This righteousness, however, doesn’t come from her own strength, but comes directly from the King Himself. Isaiah 61:10 says, “I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.”
 
Praise becomes us
 
We are indeed daughters of the King—princesses, if you will. But I believe we won’t understand our worth in Him until we begin to really look at His worthiness.
 
Think about it. This great and majestic God is totally aware of every single detail of your life.  He’s King in heaven, yet as your maker He knows everything there is to know about you, things you don’t even know about yourself. 
 
What a miraculous thing that we’re invited to respond to this incredible God! That the Almighty One has somehow chosen of His own free will to desire our worship. Though He had no real need or obligation to do so, He invites us near to be His true worshipers. 
 
And the beauty of it is that praise becomes us. As Psalm 34:5 says, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”
 
Let our hearts exult with the wonder that belong to Him as His children! We are the beloved daughters of God!

THE INCARNATION AND PASSION.
by Henry Vaughan

Lord, when Thou didst Thyself undress,
Laying by Thy robes of glory,
To make us more, Thou wouldst be less,
And becam’st a woful story.
To put on clouds instead of light,
And clothe the morning-star with dust,
Was a translation of such height
As, but in Thee, was ne’er express’d.

Brave worms and earth ! that thus could have
A God enclos’d within your cell,
Your Maker pent up in a grave,
Life lock’d in death, heav’n in a shell !

Ah, my dear Lord ! what couldst thou spy
In this impure, rebellious clay,
That made Thee thus resolve to die
For those that kill Thee every day ?

O what strange wonders could Thee move
To slight Thy precious blood, and breath ?
Sure it was love, my Lord ! for love
Is only stronger far than death !

Tradition #42: Recite a Psalm by memory for the parents and grandparents before opening any Christmas gifts.

Tonight we were working on Psalm 103. We’ve been trying to memorize it for about two months now. When I asked four year old Joey what “abounding in steadfast love” meant he said:
“it’s when God has MANY, MANY hearts inside of Him to give to the people who love Jesus.”

Whoa…

Instead of spending money on decorations, we spend time on rituals. We have more of the latter than the former anyway. Every evening we go through this home-spun liturgy and so far we’ve actually done it every night since we started December 3. (Better late than never, right?) First we light the Advent Candle and we read a version of the Christmas Story. Various sources have included the ESV Bible, Arch books from the 1970s and board books. Then there’s the compulsory fight over who gets to blow out the candle followed by tears and a re-lighting of the candle so that the other boy can blow it out. Then there come the calendars. First the chocolate calendar, which we have to hide after we’re done with it every night. Let’s just say we had a minor incident and a threat or two and keep it at that. Then comes the 96-piece playmobil Advent Calendar found on the clearance rack at Target in August. THAT’s how long we’ve been looking forward to December! Now, if you are familiar with playmobil at all, you will already know about the teeny-tiny, eensie-weensie pieces that get stuck inbetween hardwood floor boards, sofa cushions and molars and you will understand why we’ve lost half of our Christmas in the Park scene already. Nonetheless, the boys fumble with the miniature pieces creating scenes and voices for their characters. Then our ABC Christmas Story Chain teaches us about Christmas and the letters of the alphabet. This one was supposed to start Nov. 30… 26 letters in 25 days. Of course it didn’t occur to me until we were a couple of days into it. Creating the garland gets our fingers nice and sticky as we glue a red or green construction paper strip around yesterday’s link. This can be a little frustrating considering we’re not all so co-ordinated when it comes to glueing. All boys here, remember? Fine-motor skills haven’t kicked in just yet. Finally comes Joey’s favorite part… sing-a-long time with the Hallmark Snowmen. While I don’t mind hearing my 4 and almost 3 year old sing along to every word of Jingle Bell Rock, Have A Holly Jolly Christmas, and Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, I’d probably prefer something a little more, well, sacred. I suppose it would be weird, though, to hear Frosty and his penguins get groovy to Lo, How a Rose E’er Blooming, or Thou Dids’t Leave Thy Throne, my personal favorites. We console ourselves with the fact that the kids know Away in a Manger. The boys particularly enjoy making all four snowmen sing at the same time with all the lights in the room shut off while they dance in the dark. Our ceremony ends rather cacophonously but exuberant and joyous even more so. We usher them back into reality by starting the bedtime routine and spend yet another hour of ceremonious washing, changing, singing and storytelling it seems. We’ve tried to curtail it due to the seasonal service we’ve added for the month, but it’s hard to break routines with kids. I’m looking forward to December 25.

It’s that time of year again, and I’m listening to my favorite Christmas record. That’s right, I said record. Remember that spinning disc made of vinyl? Believe it or not, I had to go out and buy a record player a couple of years ago because so many of my favorite albums haven’t been transferred to CD.

Back in the spring, sometime around March I think, Joe came home late from work with a “great surprise”. He walked in with his arms full of LPs. I became mildly excited… I like vintage things. So he started to pull them out one at a time, saving the best for last of course. It started out with opera, then moved on to Gordon Lightfoot, Phil Keaggy, Don Fransisco and then it was one Evie album after another. Then finally, her Christmas album! I was so excited, I shrieked, did cartwheels around the room, kissed him profusely, (shed a tear, maybe?) and agreed whole heartedly that this was a great surprise. He knew I’d been hunting down this album for quite some time but could never find it. (OK, so I only tried iTunes and Ebay, but that should cover it, shouldn’t it?) Our youth pastor was unloading his records and he had them just sitting in boxes outside his office so people could help themselves. My husband is quite the scavenger, so he excavated a whole lot of awesome records that will probably never make it to CDs.

I grew up listening to Evie’s “Come On, Ring Those Bells”. I have never thought of myself as sentimental, but when I heard the opening strains of the title track for the first time in around 20 years, my heart just melted. I could sing along to every word and mimic every inflection and nuance. My husband was cracking up listening to me sing. My mother must have played that record until it wore out. She got it in 1977 and I can still remember when she put it on in the summer of ‘85. She even bought the trax on cassette and had us five kids sing along at old folks homes during the Christmas season.

Joe has a Christmas album that’s like that for him… “A Christmas Together with John Denver and the Muppets”. I won’t comment on the obvious, but will say I conceded a long time ago to make it a part of our family Christmas tradition since we got married. Now, however, we have one more album to add to our decorate-the-tree repertiore and I’m so excited about that!